U2 Sucks!!!!

As I write this I'm watching U2 bomb on SNL.  Their song sucks and Bono seems to have lost his voice and is resorting to making monday movements and spinning around.  Sad.

Fabulous Life Of: Probation Chic

Chris Brown was enjoying posing for the paps today while doing his recess community service.  He was a bit confused about what clothing line item he wanted to hawk, so he just went with all of them.  Shorts on shorts is so in this year.

-tb

Coldplay is Caught Stealing

Guitarist Joe Satriani's copyright lawsuit against Coldplay has been settled today. Satriani sued the soft rockers, claiming mega-hit "Viva La Vida" ripped off his song "If I Could Fly".

Snow Patrol Cashes Out

Adult Contemporary band Snow Patrol is set to release a 'Best Of' album. Best of what is the logical question, but evidently 3 hits and some filler is enough these days to call it quits.

Oh well. Simon Cowell (aka teletubby) will still love them.

t.b.

Noel Gallagher Is a Twat

I know this because I know him. Here's how...

Years ago, when I was swinging in London, I snuck into the VIP area of the Astoria during a Soundtrack of Our Lives gig. The show sucked, but I saw Noel Gallagher lurking around, so it wasn't a total waste of time. Since I'm not one of those people that thinks I'm too cool to not acknowledge the famous person standing next to me, I knew I had to say something. All I could think of was "I lost my virginity to Champagne Supernova", which although a lie, was clearly a compliment. He didn't take it like that and snorted and walked away. Seriously, who does he think he is?

Another reason why Noel Gallagher is a twat is that he broke up Oasis today. Evidently he didn't like fighting with his brother, or having a cool job that people actually care about. I have a brother and I love fighting with him. Only twats can't fight with their bros.

F U Noel Gallagher! How dare you disrespect me and disrespect your duties to Rock. Go bang a spice girl and get gonorrhea.

- Tommy Blunt

The Thumpness of Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag (who looks like a horse) has been hyping her Playboy cover, but unfortunately the only pubes you'll see are on the beard of her husband. Dear Hugh Hefner, I know you're hurting now that Kendra got stuffed by black dude, but please get a clear head and remember that people buy your magazine to see pussy.

As if blue-balling the hef wasn't enough, Horsey Montag decided to become a pop star last week. She bought a song, hired a choreographer, and did the pistol dance on national television. We're not fans of pop music anyhow, but at least Britney understands the "sync" part of lipsyncing.

Heids, you will always be thump. Go pray for yourself.

Dear God, No...

I have heard a rumor that Limp Bizkit is recording a new album.  Why?  Can't Obama do something to save us?  I need to hear another Limp Bizkit song like I need the clap.  

Why did Limp Bizkit ever even matter?  All I seem to remember of them is the image of a fat dude standing on top of a giant toilet.  Oh, and that George Michael cover.  Does that mean all Limp Bizkit fans secretly want to be George Michael fans? 

But it's not right to insult the handicapped, and Fred Durst clearly is burdened by a small dick (NSFW), so I'll stop bashing him... for now.  

- Tommy Blunt