Noel Gallagher Is a Twat

I know this because I know him. Here's how...

Years ago, when I was swinging in London, I snuck into the VIP area of the Astoria during a Soundtrack of Our Lives gig. The show sucked, but I saw Noel Gallagher lurking around, so it wasn't a total waste of time. Since I'm not one of those people that thinks I'm too cool to not acknowledge the famous person standing next to me, I knew I had to say something. All I could think of was "I lost my virginity to Champagne Supernova", which although a lie, was clearly a compliment. He didn't take it like that and snorted and walked away. Seriously, who does he think he is?

Another reason why Noel Gallagher is a twat is that he broke up Oasis today. Evidently he didn't like fighting with his brother, or having a cool job that people actually care about. I have a brother and I love fighting with him. Only twats can't fight with their bros.

F U Noel Gallagher! How dare you disrespect me and disrespect your duties to Rock. Go bang a spice girl and get gonorrhea.

- Tommy Blunt