Noel Gallagher Is a Twat

I know this because I know him. Here's how...

Years ago, when I was swinging in London, I snuck into the VIP area of the Astoria during a Soundtrack of Our Lives gig. The show sucked, but I saw Noel Gallagher lurking around, so it wasn't a total waste of time. Since I'm not one of those people that thinks I'm too cool to not acknowledge the famous person standing next to me, I knew I had to say something. All I could think of was "I lost my virginity to Champagne Supernova", which although a lie, was clearly a compliment. He didn't take it like that and snorted and walked away. Seriously, who does he think he is?

Another reason why Noel Gallagher is a twat is that he broke up Oasis today. Evidently he didn't like fighting with his brother, or having a cool job that people actually care about. I have a brother and I love fighting with him. Only twats can't fight with their bros.

F U Noel Gallagher! How dare you disrespect me and disrespect your duties to Rock. Go bang a spice girl and get gonorrhea.

- Tommy Blunt

What does it take to get a badass 3-story apartment in Tribeca?

Apparently, the magical equation is as follows:

Scientology + Hit Sitcom + Hot Fiance = BadAss Tribeca Apartment

I pondered these thoughts as I enjoyed drinking Heineken minikeg beer and smoking a one-hitter with friends on the rooftop lounge area of Danny Masterson's Tribeca apartment. Now, we all know that Tribeca isn't necessarily the coolest area of Manhattan, but it sure beats Murray Hill. But Danny Masterson is kind of a tool, even though Hyde was by far the coolest member of the 70s show gang. He's a fuckin Scientologist who Twitters non-stop. And, this luxury apartment did not give off rock-star cool vibes whatsoever. We had to be quiet, so as to not wake his mother. But damn, they are designing a badass patio-chill-area that was screaming for an alcohol-infused BBQ.

Disclaimer: Danny Masterson wasn't there at the time.

- Miss Chrissy

NEWS FLASH: Rock Princess Karen O Is Getting an Oscar!!!!

Wholly Awesome Batman!

Spike Jonze's new film, Where The Wild Things Are, will have a soundtrack composed by Rocktress Karen. Billed as Karen O and the Kids, the first single "All Is Love" will be released Aug 25. A whole bunch of 2003's croonies will also be on the record.

Since the film has Oscar buzz, and since it they've given them out to lesser musicians, there's no reason to assume anything other than that K.O. will kill a mic and then take that golden statue and shove it down her throat. (Karen, if you're reading, I've got an Oscar for you to snack on in the mean time)

- Tommy Blunt

For your audio pleasure...

Weezer, covering MGMT and throwing a little Poker Face in there. Enjoy.

- M.C.

Beach Ickyness...

Beaches are icky. Being on a beach without music and having to listen to screaming families is thump. But if your playlist is full of Jimmy buffet and Jack Johnson, you need some help. Here's what I'll be rocking to this weekend:

1) The Thrills "Don't Steal Our Sun"

2) Snoop Dogg "Gin and Juice"

3) The Strokes "Under Control"

4) Black Rebel Motorcycle "Screaming Gun"

5) The Vines "Sunshinin"

6) Jesus and Mary Chain "Happy When It Rains"

7) The Beatles "All You Need Is Love"

8) The Zutons "Railroad"

9) MGMT "Electric Feel"

10) Lou Reed "Perfect Day"

11) The Kinks "Wonderboy"

12) Donovan "Lazy Daze"

- Tommy Blunt

Del the Funky Homosapien at the Williamsburg Waterfront Show this Sunday

Del the Funky Homosapien is pretty badass, and he's never on the east coast. So let's check him out this weekend and determine his level of ickyness. Sample video below.

- M.C.

Gentlemen Broncos

From the people who brought us Napoleon Dynamite (let's choose to not remember Nacho Libre) comes the trailer for their new movie, Gentleman Broncos. Jemaine Clement + Jennifer Coolidge + Mike White = this movie should Rock. Check out the trailer.

The Thumpness of Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag (who looks like a horse) has been hyping her Playboy cover, but unfortunately the only pubes you'll see are on the beard of her husband. Dear Hugh Hefner, I know you're hurting now that Kendra got stuffed by black dude, but please get a clear head and remember that people buy your magazine to see pussy.

As if blue-balling the hef wasn't enough, Horsey Montag decided to become a pop star last week. She bought a song, hired a choreographer, and did the pistol dance on national television. We're not fans of pop music anyhow, but at least Britney understands the "sync" part of lipsyncing.

Heids, you will always be thump. Go pray for yourself.

RIP Les Paul

The Summer of Death has claimed another victim, Rock n Roll Pioneer Les Paul, at the age of 94. Paul died yesterday from complications from pneumonia in White Plains, NY. Les Paul is most famously known as the inventor of the electric guitar and multitrack recording. Rock n Roll would not be the same without this virtuoso, and IckyThump honors his achievements. Rock on, Les Paul.

How to Stay Icky in a Down Economy

The recession sucks.  That is, unless you haven't lost your job and are just enjoying the drink specials.  Either way, there's no excuse to not stay icky.  Here's my current advice. for the times.

1)  Wear Hane's tee-shirts for everything.  They're $10 for a pack of three, and you get to show your nipple, which is more effective than a brand name.  

2) Become a dealer.  Why not help spread the love?

3) Create a Second Life avatar that sells $5 hand jobs and charge virtual users real money for the experience. 

4)  Switch to PBR.

5) Move to Murray Hill.

6) Fake being Jewish and get a free vacation.

7) Sell "organic artisnal" $4 iced tea and lemonade to people in the Meat Packing District.